Irreplaceable

My random thoughts.

Archive for the category “features”

Another Cliché Post? Memories of Margaret- Mary “Zara Gretti” Joseph


Abit Cliché

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Everyone is writing a tribute, Everyone has something to say.

And alot of people dont get it, one gossip website/blog even said with sarcasm.that “its become cool to be a zara friend”

Yea, they cant get it, its simply because you carried almost everyone along.

You desperately needed to be helped so yea you carried us all along, everyone, anyone.

I count myself to have been lucky enough to have known you and been there in the little way I could.

I have tried so hard not to write this.

At the tribute yesterday Kraft asked if I will speak

I said I had too much to say.

There were memories.

so yea I have decided to write.

I met you through my sis, she says both of you would tell each other you were the most beautiful and refuse to accept that you were finer than the other. Lol

I was in JSS1 I think you left Badore a few weeks after I got into Badore. Somehow yourself and my sis would keep in touch.

FastForward 2000-and-something sis told me you had started a music career you wanted to come back to Naija, we discussed labels and all. But I guess you spoke with other people and you got it sorted. I didnt hear from you again until you came, we’ll jam randomly and say hi’s chit chat thats all it was.

Fast Forward MS started.

I was ignorant I heard bout your illness but didnt know what to do until you sent my sis a voice note, she played me the voicenote and I was scared!!! You told her bout MS and what you were going through. It dawned on us how bad it was.

I asked for your pin , we will talk regularly, we discussed the GTB acc, your Fidelity acc, we agreed on the GTB, but I couldnt open the account in your absence, so you said you’ll be home soon.

Then one day one twitter you asked for my number,you were coming to town and we agreed to meet up. I came to see you at Liz’s

GTB

As we drove by GTB HQ yesterday the memories were fresh.

How we had to beg the security guys to carry you up the stairs cos you couldnt climb the stairs.

How you eventually climbed holding the railings and smiling.

Admiralty Way

As I drive past Admiralty way I remember the passport photographs you took, how we had to get you up and down the stairs. I still have a copy of the passport photo, i remember giving you my tiny earrings to take the passport photo.

Boli and Fish?

Lol I remember offering to buy you boli and fish.

Your excitement and innocense as we bought the boli and fish.

Yea that memory i hold.

Kraft says you still asked for Boli and fish recently.

Ice Cream Factory.

The bowel movement incident

How you were crying and saying you wished I didnt have to see you in that state.

and I was upset that you saw it as a big deal. It was nothing.

Voice Notes.

The shakey voicenotes cos you couldnt type or you were to tired to type.

You’ll send a voicenote I’ll type my reply.

Stem Cell/MS Research.

Mailing the Stem cell clinic, and mailing you the reply.

Your reply was “sounds good mama but I need to get back to yankee right”

Then we spoke about starting a campaign.

We had a budget from the Stem Cell Hospital. Flyer created. We tried to share it facebook, instagram,bbm but that was all.

I was helpless, I didnt know what else to do. I could have tried more. For that I take some blame.

Fast Forward 2014.

You were coming to Lagos and you called my sis Tifa, you desperately needed a place to stay, you called Liz too, I am sure you had called a couple of others too.

But its just normal that alot of people suggested that staying with Family would be better.

I didnt even know when you came in, then you buzzed me two weeks ago, you werent feeling any better, I was helpless I had been a bit ill too, I didnt know what to say. I asked you plenty questions, who could I call or ask?  Nobody.

The week you died, you buzzed me on bbm, you said hi and my reply was “I’m sorry” you asked why I was sorry, it was simply cause I felt guilty like I should be doing more.

As cliche as it sounds your status gingered me and I was going to try harder that week.

Maybe cause you had fought for so long, I kinda thought you’ll be able to fight for so long.

I guess MS was upset that you were strong through it all.

In all I am thankful for you, as a muslim all I know that I should do is PRAY for you, nothing else. Ask God to forgive you, and pray that heavens gates are opened for you.

And no I am not moody/upset/sad those of us left behind are left inspired and with a message. No amount of sadness/ regret can bring you back

Inna Lilahi Wa Inna Ilahi Rajiun

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“Smallie” a tribute to a friend by Bunmi Gang.


Just when you are settling with life’s issues, it hits u in a way u least expect.
2012 came with a lot of woes and just when I thought “hey it’s a new year” death reared its UGLY face… Too close to home for me.

In 1999/2000 there about, I had to go. print my assignment, and seized the opportunity to go with a friend to her house in 1004 estates in VI. So I found myself in a cyber cafe within the estate trying to sort out my mini-project. There I met this very nice, welcoming, charming somebody. I called him ‘smallie’ after that day, cos yes, he was small in a cute way.

His mum happened to own the cafe. After helping me sort out the important things which I was there for, we got friendly and got talking, and in the bid to exchange contacts, I said “oh I don’t have an e-mail address” (no GSMs then, or well, little me couldn’t afford one then). Right there he opened one for me… (I told you he was a very nice somebody)…
Anyways, I left that day, a happy person with a new friend.

PS: I was very young, so all I thought was a friend and not setting-p like u people will say these days…

We exchanged a few mails when I was home on hols. But the constant break in communication due to being in boarding house sort of affected the friendship.
Fast forward to when I finished from high school, I tried to reach my friend, but all e-mails to that address bounced. Did I forget the address? Did he stop using it? Almost 6yrs and there was no sign of my smallie.  😦

Now fast forward again to 06/07, I was chatting with a friend and somehow, d name Irawo was mentioned or I over-heard her talk to someone and mention the name. Whichever it was, I could not be bothered to keep the memory, because every sense in me told me that was my smallie and of course I asked, “which Irawo”. It was my smallie!!! I danced, laughed, smiled, name it. Yes, we got back in touch, and this time, thank God for GSMs… :p

Did I see him after then? NO! We just talked and exchanged SMSs. We were in touch for about 3yrs, then I met Ojia. A few years later, I found out she’s his sister. Small world…

Somehow, I ran into Irawo in 2011. I was super happy. Very pleasant surprise… My smallie had become  a doctor, and wasn’t much of a smallie anymore. We talked for a bit and parted, as I was there for a show and he had work to do. (Medical team) in case someone broke a leg or head. LOL

With Irawo, I didn’t ‘make an effort’ to keep a friend, he was always there… He was just a phone call away.

Come Monday, 7th Jan, 2013, Irawo was constantly on my mind.  Something that had never happened since I met him. I picked my phone to call him, but my wonderful girls won’t let me have a convo. One wanted to feed, the other wanted to take my phone as usual, so I locked d phone and said ‘later’. Later never came as I was always ‘too busy’ to check on a friend.

Friday 11th Jan, 2013, someone put up on a bb group, the story of a guy that was shot at Anthony, Lagos. And she said “I’ll put up the victim’s picture”. As I’m not much of an ‘amebo’, I forgot to check the picture. The next morning, I went to the group pictures, and I saw his picture labeled ‘the victim’, I almost passed out.

My Irawo! My smallie! He had become ‘the victim’. He was NO MORE. Some cruel human being had taken my Irawo from me! I could never make that phone call and get to talk to my Irawo again!

I cried uncontrollably. And I wondered just how his family felt if I felt this way.

I only saw him 2ce in the whole time I knew him, but he meant so much more to me than a lot of friends I have and see everyday. He was different. There was something about him that said ‘keep him’. He was a true friend!!!

I weep for a very dear one has been lost. I weep for a rare gem, a hero has fallen. I weep for Nigeria, d world, has lost a STAR!

In our hearts, you’ll forever be.

RIP Dr. Irawo Adamolekun!

Suicide Notes : Episode 3


This was a voice recording by Dare ayanboluji…the content has been carefully re-written..but please pardon any inadequacies…

 

Erm…I have to…If you…erm…if you are listening to dis voice note i’d probably be dead.

My name is Oludare Michael Ayanboluji…I’m afraid my life is in grave danger…I really haven’t achieved a lot in my life, I was hoping to become a much greater person than my father, not like he was great but you get my point and I will not…I repeat will not in any way take my own life..I’ve been receiving numerous threats since I watched d video recording Abisola left me..*panting* at first I thought it was her finally coming around to see that I was her one & only true love when I saw her stripping in the video and…

BISOLA-“hey you, you like what you see?you like my breasts? They have grown since the last time right?”

Yes. I had seen AB’s breasts before but she wasn’t talking to me,there was somebody there with her…

Then I saw him…I saw him…I saw him.

in all of the things that I could phantom there was no way on earth…and in heaven this could be true. Mehn I knew AB was twisted but this was completely out of the radar!! She didnt need to prove a point,she didnt need to go that far!! She didnt…

 

The remaining content of this recording was heard in distance,it was obviously Dare & someone (an older male person) having some sort of altercation.

Older male-“Dare my boy,you have refused to hand over that tape to me right?”

Dare-“I…I…want to give it to the authorities”

Older male- *scoffs* “but I am an authority,common don’t be a fool you’ll only make people more confused and with a crazy perception as to what lies beneath

Dare-“bullshit! What lies beneath is your dick f*#$?!g my poor AB!

Older male-laffs hard -“poor AB? Dare, you and I know very well that your so called best friend & chorister was possessed.

Dare-“by you! YOU!!!

*a lot of smashing and bashing came afterwards,it appeared they got into a fight and somehow that was the last from Mr Ayanboluji*

Because the date attached to the voice note on his BB was the same day he presumably committed suicide. The voice of the older male hard to decipher by the locals,but his “suicide note” throw us to another direction.Thus…

 

 

My name is Oluwadare Ayanboluji,I have bn troubled since the night Abisola Nelson took her life. We are all sentenced to solitary confinement inside our own skins, for life,so how cn u fault her? Bt one very lonely night as I had tried to stay away from my upper locker I decided to see what she claimed to hv left me. It was a memory card from her phone, I replaced it with the one in my mobile and…she had made a recording or should I say a sex tape,a sex tape of her and Mr Alloy. I think the pharmacist is somehow responsible for her death. Maybe she asked him to give her a lifetime supply of codeine and he refused,she tries to blackmail him saying she’d release the tape, he then maybe gave her something that killed her and he forged a suicide note. Mum I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused you,the humiliation,I’m not mad you know but I need to set u free ma…and so doing I set myself free for to be free is to have achieved your life.

 

Oluwadare Ayanboluji

1982-2012

 

*if the pharmacist killed Miss Nelson & forged her suicide note why would he refer Dare to the gift she left in his upper wardrobe?*

Suicide Notes ( Episode 2)


If you read Suicide Notes Episode 1 last week, and you’ve been waiting for Episode 2, here it is as promised. Written by Filmboy.

……………………………………………………………………………………..

I believe in God the Father,Almighty, maker of heaven and earth & in Jesus Christ, his only begotten Son, our Lord: who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, born of the Virgin Mary: suffered under Pontius Pilate; was crucified, dead and buried. He descended into hell & The third day he rose again from the dead he ascended into heaven, and now sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead. I believe in the Holy Ghost I believe in the holy catholic church the communion of saints,the forgiveness of sins the resurrection of the body & the life thereafter. A NECKLACE OF ROPE Many live because they are afraid to die…as die because they are afraid to live…however way you see it..it’s a short sighted choice. A permanent solution to a temporary problem. But… How is one to be judged of just one sin? How do you choose the words of a medicine man over one who diligently seeks d face of the father? How do you justify d findings of mere mortals? How do you know if heaven isn’t hell? How is ones death untimely if it is already written? How could I have known that she was going to take her life? if our brain somehow discards the minority report? Death is certain my people…it’s life you should be wary of It’s a God forsaken world though at times it feels like God & nothing have a lot in common… so with this necklace I return to whoever is responsible for all this… I return to settle a score with the creator for it is written “seek ye first the kingdom of God…” A real tragedy for you all, for u bury 3people in a matter of months. With this necklace I take my life…looking at it now it’s similar to that of Judas. The chorister took her life & in turn took the promising Dare’s By leaving him that tape…may our souls rest in peace We’re all missionaries on earth and although we know not the happenings in the after life…it’ll be a good place to start all over. from the former occupant of room 16 in the latter hour seminary.

Azuka Okudo
1971-2012

P.s. When was your last confession?

What next? Whose note next? Visit this webpage this time next week for Suicide Notes Episode 3, Ciaao.!!!!

Suicide Notes ( Episode 1)


Over the next 5 weeks I’ll be posting the most heart breaking, eye opening, confusing, and interesting series of suicide notes.

RIP Abisola Nelson

 

written by Filmboy

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Sometimes to a girl, having a guy as “the bestie” seems like the best thing to happen to anyone, but some where along the line, emotions creep in, and if not from both ends, one person begins to fall for the other.

Image

 

As I decide to make this decision, I’ll like everyone to know that this wasn’t influenced by anyone, no negative influence, it has nothing to do with my upbringing or background ( as my mom did a great job being my mother)

And even though my religion (then) says its a sin, I hope that wherever I end up I would have solved the mystery behind heaven and hell and the prospects of wanting to live forever…

I finally get to have “MY” say;it’s all efo riro mixed with water and a lot of sand, lol.
Here’s to most important people I’m leaving behind
.
To my mother-
You did the best any mother could have done, you are one mother any child would have asked for, you gave me the best of everything, as long as it was for my good. And none of this is your fault, you haven’t failed me at any time, its just a series of random accidents and they happened just as you told me the strange man said it will.
Dnt hate urself maami. I love u

To the boyfriend- *deep sigh* …what’s love what’s hatred? We all get to the point where we can’t differentiate.  Two songs that I relate to very well Eminems “luv d way u lie” n Rihanna’s “in a hopeless place”
I’m sure you understand my few words by now.
 Sometimes I love you so much and it just seems like I can’t live without you, other times, I despise you, I HATE you, and I just want to slit your throat.
Ironically its a similar feeling.
Right now I’m indiferent, it was good while it lasted, right?

To the Bestie – firstly, check the upper part of your wardrobe,you something small. (don’t laff joh).
well I kinda knew you liked me,you were to shy to tell me.
Lol, and when you went to military school, you started writing those letters (ditto,strawberry thots,missing you) lol at some point I had a strong feeling that you were gay,
I couldn’t understand why/how it was so comfortable for you to stay while I did all me extreme girl things.
Then you started seeing Bimpe, I wasn’t particularly happy about it, I was jealous small.
*sigh* then one of the nights Tunde broke my heart again ( yea he has done this over 150 times)
Hahaha.
I know there’ll b no way of telling what you think of my gift to you bt you’ll see. Kisses.

To the Cleric- I kept your little secret in a friends room, what he’ll choose to do with it? I have no power over. But be the man you are supposed to be and take whatever coms. I guess it’s actually OUR little secret. Amen.

To the Pharmacist – this shit had better work or you won’t find it funny ra ra. All your Grammar,if all I get from this are multiple drips and a bed at yaba left, *#?$!;+!!?

And finally to the Stranger- you talk a lot and u know too much for a man ur age. I’m about to find if ur theories will mk sense. Your many talks of “I under the concept of Christ saving d world n d world ended years ago”. Bye

Now how do I do This…original note signed by me.
                                                                  Abisola Nelson
                                                                  1984-2012

Read Episode 2, next week Friday….

The Love heresy


Another friend of mine has decided to write on love. Please read and let me know what you think.

– by Peter

Oh don’t we love to cuddle, to hold and squeeze, and perhaps to call our own. Oh don’t we want to be loved, so we can feel special and admired. Oh don’t we just love to be idiots, to hold such emotions in esteem and insult the name of love. For love art not what we conceived, ours being mixed with weakness is like water mixed with fuel, adulterated. Do you, in your right senses, perceive love to be the exchange of spit! Do you degrade love to the standard of bare affection, are u that ignorant are u so naive, huh? We redefine the essence of love! there’s only one genuine love, love irrespective of condition, status, ties, deeds or perhaps looks. What some may call agape, but i would not be found spiteful to classify. That sort of love is not weak, its all conquering, has no boundaries, it sees faults and bears it, it holds no criteria for its disposal. This love holds so much worth that’s its being equated to God(God is love). But when such pure love, makes compromises, borrows the sense organs, make judgments and do things BECAUSE; it becomes love as we know it, adulterated. Yet this is the sort of love humans all crave for, the intimate love, weak love.

titanic, beauty & the beast, romeo Juliet, sleeping beauty twilight and the likes, have all been successes because this infidel love appeals to us, and we are charmed by its display. What is it about this so-called love that you cant do without, what is it that attracts us as metals to magnet?

I find myself taking time to read the “life partner” column everytime I get hold of a sunday punch newspaper, not because I am searching(please of all places) no, its because i like to mock those sleazy desperados with their throat choking criteria for a spouse(you wonder why its those without options that are most demanding)- must be tall, handsome,well dressed, descent, calabar, not hairy, fair, good in bed, sane, wealthy, muscular, and the list is never ending… The thing is these people are so troubled by the absence of affection that they seek for the angel they don’t know. Insecurities. Don’t you ever ponder? Why the average teen has a girlfriend, and the significant others without one occupy much of their minds about this vacany, my opinion INSECURITIES, they could make up a thousand and one reasons why they need this love, but none abide with logic. The married are the most unfortunate, spineless mammals who cant act independently, an association built on reliance, pitiful. They are weak, and use love to make up for insecurities. Why do most unmarried women, above 27 prioritize marriage as their ultimate goal. Why do weaklings fret on this sort of love, like its their purpose of existence. To what end do we fall in love? To what end do we kiss? To what end do we dress to match?To what end do we share ice cream? To what end do we love in this sort of way? Insecurites if not stupidity!
Am i a love hater? certainly! And my detest for this love compounds for one reason, the unconditional love has being ignored. Man has evolved to be so greedy, that he would rather please his own than care for the many. We have grown to dwell so much in this love that we are unperturbed by the pain in our envoiroment. Man has become so homophobic that he’d love his bride and scorn his brothers, so senile to classify love, so intelligent to defend his greed. Listen to this, We, in classy restaurants playing love n feeding each other, whilst another in sudan contemplates eating his fellow; we walk majestically with gorgeous matching clothes and jewelry whilst another adorns a clothing without spare, how could we kiss and cuddle, when we bare knowledge of brothers who lay without the warmth of shelter. How could you even think of a vacation with your significant other when children being afflicted by diseases wonder if their’s is death. How could you profess your love to her when inside lays a sinister mind of wickedness.

Man should cease to build tents of his own love that shields him from these realities. He should act in the least possible way, other than dwell in the oblivion of pleasure. I am no pastor, humanitarian or activist, but deem me credible to say, love your spouses in the best of ways but never fail to show love to the world in the least of ways. Selah!

Last Kiss


 
Last Kiss – written by my darleen friend and world famous Jibola @Jibola, this dude is blessed, darrisall

“….True love burns out like a matchstick” – Efa Guevara (On Mo’Cheddah’s If You Want Me Remix)
 
 
How do you know when a kiss with a certain person is your last?
 
Is it when the bitter taste of impending permanent separation poisons what used to be pure expression of love? Or do you feel it in your fingertips, when you hold them in your embrace in what feels like is the last. Or is it when the eyes in which you once found peace, contains all the turmoil mirrored in your very own soul?
 
Halima and Chibuzor cared less for the crowd milling about doing their regular business at the departure lounge of Muritala Muhammed International Airport. They kissed like it was their last, knowing deep inside that it would be. Both her arms were entwined around his neck. He held her in return with his left arm around her shoulder, the other at the small of her back.
 
Their tears flowed unebbed from their cheeks right to where their lips were joined. Both their faces were scrunched up in grimaces like their lips were bitter. In their pain, the kiss grew even more passionate.
 
 
A canned voice in the worst parody of a foreign accent, blared over the airport speakers.
 
Final Boarding Call for Emirates Airlines flight FK 217 to Dubai
 
They clutched at each other in reflex, thoughts and memories taking flight.
 
***
 
It was another time, and a totally different place. The covers were pulled back, with their bodies entwined as if one. The June rains brought with them a cool and gentle breeze that softly caressed their skins.
 
“Never let me go” She said as she stared deep into his rich brown eyes. Her pulled her closer to himself, the warmth of her skin in their afterglow seeped through his pores.
 
“You complete me boo. I die inside at the thought spending any length of time without you” He said, solemnly staring back at her. She swatted his chest, as she smiled at him. “Gosh, you’re sooo sweet-mouthed. How can you”
 
He winced as he replied, “In how many different languages do you wish me to say it? You believe me, you can see it in my eyes. ”
 
***
 
She sniveled as she held her head in both her hands. She stared through glassy eyes at her father as he spoke. In vain, she raised the back of her hand to her face in an attempt to dry her tear stained cheeks.
 
“I am sending you back to Dubai for your Master’s. I can’t let you continue to waste your life with this Kaferi boy”
 
“Daddy…” She croaked as best as she could in those circumstances.
 
“I am talking, my friend.” he snapped, “And when you are done, you will stay there for another two years. To gather work experience before you return. That should clear your head from the nonsensities you are pursuing with that Kaferi”
 
“Papa, he’s ready to become a moslem”
 
“My decision is final, Halima. Go to your room!”
 
***
 
Final Boarding Call for Emirates Airlines flight FK 217 to Dubai
 
“Never let me go” She said desperately, like a drowning swimmer, grasping at straws.
 
“I won’t. Baby I won’t. ” He said earnestly. She knew this was true. “This is just another obstacle, we’ll make it through this as we have in the past. We will” Even as he said it, she knew his words were those of a drowning man. Somehow, beneath the tears, they were both certain of one thing in their hearts. They were certain that this once, the mustard seed would not move Everest. So they let it rest.
 
Neither knew whom broke the embrace, but she walked away dragging her hand luggage behind her. She looked back one last time, knowing without a doubt it would be the last time she’d see his face.
 

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